Genetic Marker For Shirtlessness, Aggression Found

Scientists have discovered the genetic marker for shirtlessness in men.  “It’s important because of its link to aggression,” explains professor Clint Puffball-Smith of the University of South Carolina.  “We believe that the propensity to take off one’s shirt evolved as a signal to other males that the shirtless person is dangerously violent, much as angry bulls will paw the ground in front of them.”

Congressman David Ribble, who recently introduced legislation on giving the so-called ‘vowel states’ consonants at the start of their names, is delighted (see for previous story).  “The problem is that there are a lot of states in the South which are violent, but which begin with a consonant.  States like Georgia, Texas, Florida and South Carolina spring to mind.  Clearly it’s not the name that’s the problem here — it’s something else.  It can’t be the water, or tourists staying in those states would become violent.  It’s obvious from police videos shown on CourtTV that most offenders in those states are shirtless when they commit violent crimes.  If we can prevent shirtlessness then we stand a good chance of reducing crime.  We could test the male populations of those states for those with this genetic trait and then either keep them under curfew or develop medical treatment.  One immediate option is to ban men from removing their shirts in public, though that may not prevent the violent behaviour.”


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