NASA revealed today that it has spent five years searching for the original videos of the Apollo 11 landing in 1969, which went missing sometime in the 1970s.
The original footage was beamed down to monitoring stations on Earth and taped. However, the only way to relay live images of the landing to the 600 million television viewers was to aim a camera at the screen showing the feed from the satellite link. The result was the famously blurry image of Neil Armstrong taking his first tentative step onto the lunar surface. However, the master tapes of the high quality download were sent to the office of public records and went missing when they were returned to NASA.
However, publicity from today’s revelation has resulted in the rediscovery of the tapes in a pornography shop in London’s seedy Soho district. “We found the masters tucked away in one of our ‘speciality’ collections,” said the store’s owner, who didn’t want to be named. “This spaced-out hippy came in talking about moon shots, and something about anus, penis and probes. He was out of money for drugs so we did him a deal. The images looked pretty specialist, even for the 70s — a bunch of guys bouncing around in what looked like freaked-out rubberwear — and they were only black and white. So we just stowed them.”
Mark Speed’s Wizarre Borld secured the tapes for posterity (£20 each, or three for £50) carrying them back to the editorial offices in a plain brown wrapper. We can exclusively reveal that the tapes didn’t just contain the masters of the Moon Shot. Also included were tapes of a Venus probe and plans for an unmanned mission to Uranus.
Further to this exclusive revelation, we can reveal that NASA has discovered that its archives contain the master tapes of Deep Throat, Debbie Does Dallas and Behind the Green Door. “We thought these were broadcasts from extraterrestrial civilisations that had been picked up by the monitoring stations,” said a drooling, half-blind NASA archivist.