Bizarre Search Terms Part I: Grammar and the Alphabet

The first 3-4 months of this blog have been a revelation.  It’s provided me with an insight into the searches people conduct on the internet.  You wouldn’t believe some of the search terms that have led people here.  I’ve categorised them into several parts.  Here are the first few, with some comments:

Crimes that start with the letter D  This is reminiscent of the AOL user who was caught searching for the means to murder his wife.  But what’ this user up to — planning on starting an alphabetical crime spree?  Note that this would-be criminal mastermind was methodical enough to capitalise ‘Crimes’ and the letter D.  Furthermore, he’s almost written a sentence  — be very afraid.

cartoon character letter h  This user is possibly related to the nutter in the previous search.  But his lack of capitalisation and laziness in not forming a sentence shows this one to be quite harmless.

english language becoming worse satire  Oh dear.  This dimwit bemoaning the deterioration of the English language is too lazy even to have bothered to capitalised the proper noun.  The irony of his search for a satire on the subject ending up as the object of mirth is probably lost on him.

male slang usage letter H  What is it with the letter H?  This query is almost certainly by someone who isn’t hip to the lingo, but is desperate to catch up because his position depends on it.  How do I know?  He’s doing it methodically.  If he had any sense he’d go to an online slang dictionary, so he’s obviously someone who isn’t that in touch with the way search engines work — someone familiar with technology but who has yet to master it.  Given that this query was done on October 1st, the day the Conservative Party’s conference opened in Bournemouth, I’d sugest it must be none other than David Cameron, Conservative Party Leader, desperately seeking a bon mot for his speech.

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