ambeth Council is declaring its pavement-widening programme in Brixton an ‘amazing success’.
“The work, originally scheduled to take up to eight weeks, is now in its twelfth,” explained a delighted council spokesman. “Planning it for the winter was a stroke of genius, because it’s meant maximum discomfort and inconvenience to bus passengers, as well as car-users. Bus passengers now have to make a cold, wet journey on foot to a bleak and exposed nowhere place near Windrush Common to wait vainly for their delayed and over-crowded buses.”
The original plan was simply to widen the pavements in Brixton to give bus passengers coming out of the Underground station just about enough room to move. However, the council has claimed unexpected success in disrupting passenger journeys on the north-bound side of the A23. “As a traffic-control measure it’s a greater success than we’d ever dared to hope. Now that the width of the lanes has been restricted so severely, congestion is so bad that passengers have to disembark outside the Council offices and walk to the station to have any hope of getting to work on time.”
Meanwhile, there has been an unexpected boon to Brixton’s alternative economy. Drug-dealers outside the Underground station now have extra room to push skunk and weed. “Business ‘as never been better, man,” explained one dealer, who refused to give his name. “There’s so much room I and I was tinking of getting a stall for me skank.”